Be careful for what you wish for

I am so crazy you guys. I have way too many options and it has led me to go all over. I came back to my hometown for a relationship, but it didn’t work out. In the meantime, I worked and just got a new one. I was so desperate to get my foot in the door to work at an educational setting. But now I’m feeling torn again. I want to relocate, but there’s this new job too.

Can you believe it? Just this summer, I was going to settle for a relationship, house, and job not even related to my degree. I didn’t even know how it was all going to happen. I just knew I could make it happen. That’s my downfall sometimes, I don’t make room for error, because I don’t plan on making an error. When an error happens, I simply make a new plan. I know, I know, “Failure to plan is a plan to fail.”

I was having a quarter life crisis. I finished my bachelors. I went to graduate school for one semester. I worked for a whole year at a place to gain the experience I needed. Then I dropped out of graduate school to try a career change. It’s true that I constantly want to please and impress the people around me. I really wanted that master degree for all my loved ones to say they knew someone close to them with one. I felt that a master degree would prove my worth in all levels of life: family, academic, employment, economic, relationships, and anything else I can rub it in.

But the only person I needed to impress was myself. It’s funny how hard I work in other people’s eyes, but my only life goal was to be able to afford a roof over my head and food. I could’ve done that without a bachelor degree, which came with loans, but with great experiences too. I was never a motivated person, even if it appears to be so (well, maybe just not academically). If I can live an honest life, it would be to make money for traveling purposes, and document it of course. The getting to know people and helping the community will come around. I’m not stress about my accomplishments. I’m just stressed at how I’m trying to impress anyone.

Ok, trying to get to know myself for the past month has actually been making me counsel others to channel their own identities. Maybe I should really become a counselor; I am constantly counseling myself to chill out.