10 Times I Was Sorry, But Not Sorry For Being A Woman, Especially A Hmong Woman

This entry is dedicated to my hard working Hmong sisters and mothers. I have sat with you and heard the simple things you ask for in a partner and family. You are all amazing and you truly do a lot for your families.

I'm sorry, I'm not sorry for:
  1. Not looking forward to slaving my time away for you or your family, especially at events when I am expected to cook and clean and you're just chilling out. I'd love to come to events more if I'm just sitting my ass around and getting fed. 
  2. Expecting you to do the dishes, laundry, and cleaning before and after your income job; sometimes in front of the 'public' eye. It simply needs to get done.
  3. Not having dinner ready for you because I also get off work at the same time (or I was couponing for us/family)
  4. Not having breakfast ready because I also want to sleep in or cake my face
  5. Not picking up after your shit because you are an adult
  6. Expecting you to split a bill because I'm not the only one living, eating, driving, and existing
  7. Not sharing your vision of having children and your only responsibility is a paycheck
  8. Asking you to put your family first
  9. Not being a Hmong woman that fantasizes a life of cooking and cleaning :D
  10. Being called rebellious because I simply ask for respect, accountability, and responsibility
  11. Sorry, I'm not sorry for having my shit together, not giving a shit, and sometimes putting my shit first :D 
  12. Sorry, I'm not sorry for being strong, motivated, and ambitious just because my life isn't about being in the kitchen.

This list was inspired by Demi Lovato's new song, "Sorry, Not Sorry" and expectations of being a female and being seen as a failure for "not doing" what she's "supposed to be" doing. I've observed my mother, aunts, sisters, and other female figures at gatherings and it irritates me of how much expectation there is for a Hmong female. It's even more infuriating when asking a male to lift a finger to get things done is as if they've sold their soul to the devil to help us.

I also watched Reese Witherspoon's recently speech for Women of the Year and was just so inspired. This is just part of the speech, but you should find a full version and watch it.

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Getting Ready For Van Life

I've been watching so many van life videos, but this one is the most "REAL" one that spoke to me. I love watching Youtubers that start off with like 200 subscribers and seeing them rise.

After watching this video, I realized God had put everything in place for me to get started on van life. I have watched tiny house and van life for the past 2 months and it just seems to be the right fit for me. I don't have kids that I have to provide for and keep safe, but even that can be done. So how has God set me up for this?

1. Ultimately, accidentally renewing my lease was the beginning of the wrong, but right path. This leads my current landlord to keep me on a 4-month lease only and she doesn't plan to renew it either because I have caused her that whole leasing issue. I respect that and she has the upper hand; beggars can't be choosers. At that point, I knew I had to figure out my next move in 4 months if she doesn't 'renew' my lease. But EFFF THAT! I never put myself in a situation where I have no control and have to "need" someone else's resource, so I'm coming for you VAN LIFE.

2. I quit my pretty good paying job. I just quit. I didn't give a 2 week notice because my employer didn't deserve it. The owner I worked for was...I'll keep it to myself and remain professional.

3. I bummed for about 2 weeks before I found a leasing position. It's not hardcore money I get, but it's what I want to do eventually. This also meant I knew the good spots in the neighborhoods too.

4. I lost one of my fun side and completely remote job because I didn't give 100%. That was completely my fault though. The person I worked with was an amazing person. She has a beautiful and funny soul. She's really doing what she does to help the people she has.

5. Lastly, I landed a job that I actually enjoy doing and working on things I want to use professionally.

After watching that video up there ^, I took a shower and realized that God listens as usual and knew this about me. I currently have 2 jobs that are full-time combined. I'm always on the road, so that's free parking.

Why I'm considering van life:

1. My sister lives about 30 minutes away, but I don't want to commute that far to work. In addition to that, I like my privacy and running my own time. When you're in someone's home, you have to respect their schedule. I can still ship things to her house though :D

2. I hate paying rent. I even hate it more that someone else has the ability to tell me to leave.

3. I need to work out. All I do is lounge anyway. Ya know, back to basics without technology.

Van life would be beneficial to me in these ways:

1. MOM: Give my mom my Camry since I'm not sure when I can get her a "new" car, but my car is pretty decent.

2. PUNCTUAL: Be on time for work, because I'll be waiting to work lol. I feel like I've been late to work was because I lounge too long before actually heading out. I could blame traffic too, but I'll take it all.

3. MINIMALISM: Have less. I have a lot of unnecessary things. After my 2nd move, I realized I needed to get rid of a lot of things. Once I got rid of my dining table, it felt easy to let go. Then I got rid of my huge dresser. Now I just need to sell all of my things before November comes.

4. TRAVEL: I'll always have to find a park or an event to park.

5. WORK OUT: Since I won't have a 'home', I'll constantly need to park somewhere and a place to shower. Anytime fitness has a gym membership for $20/month, which is enough to park for a few hours legally and use the bathroom.

6. MONEY: I'm so surprised this wasn't at the top of my list. I'll be saving $500+ on rent. The gas I have to pay for are things I'm already doing every day. I plan to pay off my credit card with interest, then my student loans over 4%, and by that time my 0% interest balances will have to get paid off. While that's all happening, save for a house/property down payment. I think if you've read this far, then I'll tell you that I plan to buy while I'm doing van life, so I can legally park somewhere anyway while having the option to use it as income after the principal portion is paid.

I've been looking at cars, so I just want to spend about $2-$3k on a car. My brother is also going to join van life too. Josh has insulation experience. I have money to get this done.

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This Is Your Death Movie Review & Comments

The show is about people suicide on live tv for money that will be given to people they care about because they're so stressed out. Josh Duhamel is a tv host and witnessed a death on a show called Marry A Millionaire. The girl that "didn't win" found a gun and shot the millionaire. At first, Josh was traumatized someone was killed in front of him, but he used his response to see there is a need for truth in reality tv. As a result, he creates a show for people to suicide on tv to get donations. Then the show gets super popular and they have to keep up with the ratings, which means 'crazier' things. Then his sister got super concerned and she knew there was only one way for him to see how dangerous the show was getting.

TWIST/SPOILER ALERT: His sister goes on the show at the turning point of the movie! AHHHA! The suicide is super secure and one has to go around the building to get there. When he realized it was his sister, he wanted her to stop. He yelled and cried. When he finally got to her, he yelled everyone to call 9-1-1, but no one did and it hit him that the people who had suicide didn't have the moment his sister had of someone reaching out to them. That was the unfair part for everyone else on the show. While the whole plot was about him creating the show, the side plot was a hard-working father who got fired from his job and had to pay a house mortgage. He constantly ignored the show and despised the show, but was convinced when the grand 'prize' was 1 million dollars.

He went after the sister and his family flashed before his eyes, so he stopped. He said he didn't want the money anymore and rather be with his family. The end.

I would highly recommend this movie for everyone to watch. I want people to know they're really and literally worth more than a million dollars. Life gets better. People care about you even if you think they don't. It made me realize that I don't need to go on game shows, although I do love that Chain spelling game. Ultimately, money doesn't solve anything. Your time is precious. Don't work all the time. Life is short, have a morning to yourself; have a moment to yourself. Talk to God and see the moments God is trying to communicate with you too.

This movie had moments that reminded me of my family, especially my mom. My mom works hard and is super selfless. The family in there had some of their necessities cut, which reminded me of when it happened to my own family.

It's just really sad that someone or our self sometimes think ending a life is the solution, but it's not. I don't want to be stuck with a mortgage and feel like I have to work night and days to pay for it; mortgage slavery? Recently, I've been watching van life and tiny house and I'm obsessed. I dislike the idea of a landlord. I even dislike more of the idea that someone has an upper hand and the ability to tell me I can't live somewhere. I've never experienced that in my life because of my mom's hard work to provide a home for us.

Renting for the past 2.5 years made me realize how important a home is and how that is the greatest love someone can give you. Maybe you don't have Nike shoes or brand name clothes, but a home can never be replaced. Family can never be replaced. There is no amount of money in the world that can replace people you love. "No silver or no gold could dress me up so good," Boom Clap-Charli XCX.

The other point I want to talk about is reality show in general. I don't watch The Bachelor or Bachelorette at all. I just don't get it. Here we are in 'real life' shaming cheating or 'talking' to other people. Yet, so many of us, mainly females, watch this show. Like, why would I watch a show about a guy who kisses 20+ women to find out he wants to marry them. On top of that, literally spends a day with a different girl, but then we have a problem with players in real life? And ultimately, HE has the power to dismiss whoever. What's worse is that this is all justified because he's a 'bachelor' on a reality show, so it's ok? Only in America where you can do dumb things and get away with it because of a camera rolling. smh.

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