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Flashback Friday: Don't Date In Highschool

Back in exactly December 12, 2011 at 6:26pm, I wrote a note on Facebook about teen dating. Working at a high school in the past year, I came across one of my student today, so this post is dedicated to her and anyone dating in high school. Take what you want and leave what you don’t like.

When I was younger, I had no real idea about dating. I just thought it was a thing to do. I’m definitely sorry to my exes at that time; sorry, I had no real idea what I was doing. I realized I didn’t put any effort in those relationships. I didn’t ask dates to ask off work. I didn’t ask what they wanted to do. When I shop, I don’t automatically think about them. They weren’t the first or last thing on my mind. I didn’t even really think about them. (Now that I’m older, this is all automatic. I be like, "oooohh, this would be pretty good on Josh.")

I was more focus on school and work (still am). It was great to have someone, but I think I was just really looking for a friend. And I was bad at that; telling guys that I just wanted to be friends. I didn’t know how to tell them. I sucked at being a “social teenager.” But it’s ok. I take great pride in that.

There is no real purpose in dating at such a young age. Most of the time, you or your partner don’t even own your own vehicle to run at your time. You probably don’t even have a job. I mean, I have always worked but I found that many boys/men actually do not strive for employment until 18+, even some are still jobless at 23+. Girl, don’t bother with this guy. He doesn’t even care if he has money to gas up to see you, take you out to dinner, get something for your birthday or some random day, and so many more. I’m not saying money buys happiness, but it helps. So, everyone, please get a job.

Right, a relationship isn’t about money. But think about how you’ll get into a simple movie theater; money. Think about how you’ll provide gasoline in your cars, money. And if you can’t provide your own, you’ll have to ask your siblings/family. It’s just so much more work. Just chill out and enjoy being a kid. Go to school. Join a sport. Do your homework. These simple things are super attractive when you get older :P

So quit chasing relationships in high school (save yourself from the heartbreaks), especially if it’s not a healthy one too. Just work on yourself. My favorite memories were with my family and friends. I never looked back and ever thought, "Prom was sooo fun with TSG" or "That one time TSG was so nice when they did this." Ok, ok, ok, I might be a bit bias from my own tragedies, but come on, most guys, especially in high school, are not intellectually-relationship developed. For all they care, they just want to game, be a ricer, be the life of the party, and so much more. They're still working on their rep while with you. Don't be a part of that. If this person you're with is a joke and not committed, get out of it. Make your own timeline; be on your own "game." You deserve better.

It’s a simple formula. Get good grades (or I guess, at least just try to graduate). Join a sport. Become president of a club. Make money. Make your parents happy. Get your family awesome Christmas gifts. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, don’t add someone else’s shit to yours.

Basically, when you’re young and especially in high school, dating life can suck; strict parent regulations (curfews, really? I'm 13 and old enough), carless, broke joke (even if you have a job, or maybe I just have high expectations for myself). Of course, true love prevails.

On a sidenote, this Flashback Friday idea is kinda cool. Maybe I'll bring old notes on Fridays to keep the blog active. :D As always, thank you for reading.
“To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others” ~ Buddha
 --BTW: This note was written back in 2012 and I still feel the same about it. As you can tell, I’ve always had an old soul.

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3 comments:

  1. I agree with you on some points, but I also disagree with you on some points. The dates I enjoyed the most and the ones that were the most special to me were simple walks or days at the park. No money spent. Just nice, long walks. Now given that I worked for a bit in high school too, it was good to have money to spend when I needed to be a “gentleman” and treat her out. Whatever you had though, you tried to make it work (even if it was just $10).

    That was the beauty of youth and young love. Even when you had nothing, you were ready to give it all! It may have been an issue if your bf/gf lived on the other side of town, but at that age, you'd walk 1000 miles if you had to. Love was raw, innocent, and completely unjustified, but it was also pure and fearless.

    You hadn’t been hurt deep so you didn’t hold anything back. That’s the reason why high school love stands apart in your mind. It’s different from the love that you experience later in life. Whatever it was, you weren’t afraid to fall or get hurt, so you jumped every time.

    You’re right about saving yourself from heartbreaks though, those high school love stories were the ones that cut deepest because you thought you were “grown up”. Ultimately you didn’t know how small your world really was. You knew your world well, and you thought that was all there was to it.

    Ultimately though, I disagree with you. You don’t have to avoid dating in high school. Dating in high school can be a good experience, if done correctly. It’s not impossible to get good grades, join a sport, lead a club, make money, and have a bf/gf. It’s just a lot of work.

    High school dating was fun. You discover so much about yourself and what you want and don’t want in a life partner. Date if you can, and date often. But if you don’t, then don’t worry about it because at the end of the day it’s not everything. You’ll date later on. You’ll do crazy (maybe crazier) things, so fall once or twice. Fall hard, but get back up, because you grow stronger every time you do!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the long response :D. I appreciate it. I was looking forward to a male's point of view too, especially in the HS phase. What kind of stuff are they going through? what is it that girls do not understand about them at that age?

      I totally agree with you on so many things too; esp the walking to eachother's houses. I don't regret my HS experience, but reflecting back at it, I was not a great g/f; it's all a learning experience. I probably gave the guy misery, and it wasn't his fault either.

      My other point for emphasizing this was because of marriage. Yea, you fall in love high school and some of them get marry. Oh gosh, I don't want to judge, but people are better off waiting; they get to put their life together first. But that may just be a personal preference. I don't want to be in a relationship if I can't contribute (yes, in all forms of life: financially, mentally, physically, timely, and others).

      But yes, for some, HS dating works. In fact, my sister in law wished she met her husband in middle school! He was the only person she was with.

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    2. I don't know how it is today, but back then (and I can't speak for everyone), I just wanted to play soccer. I found a passion, and I think that was crucial. I also knew that I was just a kid and that helped put myself into place. All of this is just from my perspective.

      In high school, we got a bunch of pressure. We had to "man up" and show that we could run faster, jump higher, think faster than everyone else. If the kid was with a group of friends, they'd edge each other on to see who could go the furthest, who could get closest to crossing the line (think of that scene from Finding Nemo where Nemo touches the Butt). Everyone tried to deal with the pressures of "being a man" without even the thought that it was perfectly okay to a boy.

      Boys that age are relatively simple. Essentially they are looking for themselves: who they are, who they want to be.

      A lot of my friends got married in high school, and in fact, if I had gotten married back then it wouldn't have been big news. I knew though that I wasn't ready for that. I understood that if I got married, no matter how young I was, that I would have to provide for my "wife" and myself. I would have to cut out side activities, and be a husband to her, and quite honestly, I was too much of a soccer bum to do that.

      I found my passion, and that's why I didn't get married in high school. I was probably a terrible boyfriend because of it too, but it kept me in check. I had to keep my grades up to play for school. I had to finish homework at school in order to play after school (practice from 3-5, played with old guys from 5-nightfall).

      Your sister in law wishes she met her husband earlier, I wish I had had my first girlfriend later. I would've known myself more. I'd have been more of who I wanted to be. But that's all in the past now. it was all a part of my journey to where and who I am now.

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