Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Just because you won't eat a lion, doesn't mean that it won't eat you.

I read a post on Hmong Love Stories of a guy who dated a girl for five years. He finished high school first and went to a company right after to her throughout her college career. The semester before she graduated, he proposed to her. She rejected his marriage because she needed him to be on his level; work and education. She also feared that society would judge her, "She's so smart, but she's with an average Joe." In the end, she left him and he was devastated from basically investing in someone and believing they were on the same page. I feel bad for the guy, but I see both sides. She's concern for her future and you can't blame her, "Every man for himself." He loved and invested in her when she had nothing, and she's leaving now that she has everything.

My view for this situation will be different from you/others. In my relationships over time, I've learned that character lasts longer. I've seen husbands with a degree that doesn't help their wives while husbands without a degree do. I've seen men with a degree who is so focused on their career, they have no time for other things... But this is actually universal. I realized that you can always make more (or get a degree), but you can never take back the time and things you've said to anyone. There are relationships where people are so busy with their education/career, they don't have time for eachother and they're just together by title. It's like a job that you get pay for not being there. Some of those work out and some don't; it's different for everyone. At the end of the day, at least for me, I need someone there physically for me. That's the kind of relationship I like.

I dislike that people with a degree abuse that advantage. Hmm...how do I explain it. With this situation, she basically said the guy was garbage. I don't know what she was thinking, but for me, I just need to answer one question, "If this person that I am with today has absolutely nothing at some point of their life, will I still want to be with them?" or "Can I surive with this person if we were stuck on an island together?" That's where character comes in. I need a person that's patient with my own mood swings/randomness. I need a person that can control their own temper. I need a person that can forget/give up their pride at times. I need a person that's willing to listen to me. I need a person that cares about others. There is so much more that a degree alone does not make the cut. As cliche as it sounds, a person with a degree and money can never make me as happy as someone with a big heart. Yes, yes, yes that won't feed my stomache or pay bills...but I'll be happy. "You're not rich until you have something money can't buy."

I'm finally seeing how naive I have been, and maybe that was the guy's situation too. "Don't mistaken my kindness for weakness." I tend to think people have good intentions, even if they were influenced by any bad. I go in relationships 200% too many times, but we're taught to test the waters. I guess that's because my parents have always gave me 200% and expect nothing in return or nothing much of me. They love and care for me no matter what kind of decisions I've made or make. I also treat people with a fair playing field. They're not the ones who did me wrong, so why should I treat them for what someone else did? What I failed to realize was that I don't/didn't even know if I was getting a fair game. Cliche, but it was my mistake to think so positive of the world.

My theory is that if I focus on being good then I'll be on the right track. What I've also noticed in other relationships similar to this, and it could also be the point of view with the girl, is that some men tend to stop the chase. They think if they do the minimal of not cheating then it's enough to keep a girl, "I don't know why she left me. I was a good person and never cheated on her." Maybe he got lazy on his end too and thought that just supporting this girl was enough to keep her.

A relationship is more than just being loyal and faithful; you're just there for being there sake. It's doing something that keeps it going; no, I'm not asking you to be on your game 24/7. When you first met them, you were so excited to see, be, and hang with them. Why does this die out after YYY amount of time? It's so easy to see the flaw in others, but have you ever asked yourself the same questions or look yourself the same way? You've also changed too; I'm a victim. What I've learned from my relationships with anyone is that you have to chose them everyday and that girl simply quit on him, no matter who the better person was. "Just because you won't eat a lion, doesn't mean that it won't eat you." Thus, just because you won't leave someone, doesn't mean they won't leave you; just because you're there for someone, doesn't mean they'll be there for you; and lastly :( just because you love someone, doesn't mean they love you. Sad but true. But be strong and don't fall into the dark side and become eville or heartless. May everything work out for everyone. Have a wonderful week! Thank you for reading :D!

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Love Her

I saw this post a couple time and wanted it on my blog :D

“Love her …when she sips on your coffee or tea. She only wants to make sure it tastes just right for you.
Love her…when she "pushes" you to pray. She wants to be with you in Heaven.
Love her…when she asks you to play with the kids. She did not "make" them on her own.
Love her...when she is jealous. Out of all the men she can have, she chose you.
Love her…when she has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too.
Love her…when her cooking is bad. She tries.
Love her…when she looks disheveled in the morning. She always grooms herself up again.
Love her…when she asks to help with the kids homework. She only wants you to be part of the home.
Love her...when she asks if she looks fat. Your opinion counts, so tell her she's beautiful.
Love her…when she looks beautiful. She's yours so appreciate her.
Love her...when she spends hours to get ready. She only wants to look her best for you.
Love her…when she buys you gifts you don't like. Smile and tell her it's what you've always wanted.
Love her…when she has developed a bad habit. You have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help her change.
Love her…when she cries for absolutely nothing. Don't ask, tell her it’s going to be okay.
Love her…when she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate, rub her feet and back and just chat to her (this works!).
Love her…when whatever you do is not pleasing. It happens and will pass.
Love her…when she stains your clothes. You needed a new shirt anyway.
Love her…when she tells you how to drive. She only wants you to be safe.
Love her…when she argues. She only wants to make things right for both.
Love her…she is yours. You don't need any other special reason!!!
All this forms part of a Woman's Character.

Women are part of your life and should be treated as the Queen.
• Treat the women well.
• The best of you are those who are the best in the treatment of their wives.”

Original story here: http://islamicwallpaper.tumblr.com/post/7242353674/love-her-love-her-when-she-sips-on-your


I was extremely tired at work today, like I wanted to fall asleep right at my desk. Of course, I'm getting pay to get my stuff done, so I couldn't just sleep. I decided to go out and sit in the sun for just a bit to wake myself up. There was another older man that exit the same time I left. As I sat down, I heard his car start. It was the type starting that the car works really hard for 5-10 seconds. Then he backed up and accelerated. The acceleration was bad too, I couldn't recall the sound. However, I recalled some of the hardest times of my family's transportation struggle. It's these memories and moments of hardship that push and remind me to work hard everyday.

This happened before my family moved to where we are now. My amazing supermom had already worked for a couple of years and my two older sisters finally picked up a job at the local Chinese restaurant buffet to help the family financially. (Oh gosh, these days were hard and sweet TT__TT). One of my vivid memory was this one winter when my father picked me up before picking them up from work. I don't even remember how this car looked like, but it was probably a boxy Toyota; maybe sky blue too. It was soo cold that night and I was probably just the age of nine going on ten.

All I remember was that we waited outside for them in the cold and it was so cold, but we couldn't keep the car on because that ate gas and what not. I didn't understand at that time why my dad couldn't keep the car on because other dads did for their kids. Not just that, I even had the the most small minded head to question my dad in my head, "Why would he not want to keep me warm?" Gosh that was so selfish and ungrateful of me to think that way. Anyway, my sisters got off work and got in the car. I don't even remember how much they were even paid, but the owners were really nice to them.

My sisters' excitement to work and help my mom when they were old enough to work inspired my own work ethics. I remember being young and hearing about the bills and thought to myself, "When I grow up, I'm going to solve all of mom's problems." Sadly, after many years and a bachelor degree, I am just a little closer to that dream. The dream is still alive.

Back to the story. They got in the car, and my dad started the car. The car made the same sound as the one I heard today during my mini chi moment. That sound were the days my parents struggled and saved every penny for us. For me to have this moment. For me to work at an office with a/c on a hot day. For me to not lift a muscle to keep my body healthy and live longer. For me to work short hours with a bigger paycheck. For me to have a better life than them. For everything I have at this moment. For that, nothing can ever repay them for the struggles they went for me (and still ongoing :D #kidfohlyfe).

My father was always the driver for the family. He'll pick us up after school, and being in a big Hmong family, that meant every building of the school district. He did this all the time. In addition, he even took our friends home sometimes. That's why I expect my siblings' friends to take care of them too and I be mad-doggin when they hatin. This makes me question my readiness for parenthood because I don't even want to go to the store some days for my own needs. Not just that, he busted his driving skills to pick up other family relatives too. If someone didn't have a car, they knew they could count on him to transport them.

Before I relocated this month, a young family needed someone to take them to the hospital for a baby's appointment. Even though they didn't live with my father, he still went across town to take them to the appointment. Although he makes funny decisions, and ones I don't agree with, he is still my father at the end of the day and he gave me everything he could. (He also enjoys doing passport photos and application on the side :D!)

It's just been such an emotional day/s lately, so I had to share this. Yes, it came from the heart, so I hope yours was touched :P. When you're feelind defeated, just remind yourself that "It's not a bad life. It's just a bad day." Thank you for reading like always.