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February 2015
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Goodbye My Love
In celebration of love month, I’ll share the differences I saw in myself overtime in the field of “love.”
Currently, I’m in a situation where I don’t need to be “in love” with a person to hang out or be around them. What’s most important for me is that I’m learning, growing, or just having fun with or without that someone. That someone being mine is just a bonus...an unneeded and unnecessary bonus at the moment. If I really want it, I shall seek, but I’m not interested. I’m not saying it’ll happen; I’m just saying that I’m running on my time :D
I feel like there is a thin line between love and simply getting along. I could get along with 90% of the people I am around, but would be mistaken for love. We get along with many people, but we do not love them. However, when we meet someone new and we get along with them, we’re in shock. Sometimes feeling this way is going to feel new, “ohh...wow, never felt this way before,” but it’s not. “I like how we get along, because it’s called cooperation on my end and not wanting to argue, but don’t confuse it with love.”
Love happens at different times…
Love was NOT when I was 14. I was in high school and all I cared was going home after school. I wasn’t old enough for love.
It was almost Love when I was 16. I was old enough to work and drive, but I never felt the want to be with my significant other. I would push it off or sometimes try to void it. I was also good at getting gifts and spending more time with my partner. But we had different plans in life and went our ways.
I think I finally loved when I was a freshman in college because I tried for 2 years. I celebrated the monthly anniversaries. Did the roadtrips thing. Met and hung out with the family. This person was always on my mind. We were always texting and talking; we knew where each other was at all times. We were best friends and “New Study Says You Should Marry Your Best Friend” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/09/married-people-happier_n_6436420.html). Not only did I learn more about love, but I also lost myself in the process. I made sacrifices. I did everything right. I followed all the rules. I saved every date. I went on every trip. I ate every dinner. It took me to a point where I was just there... That’s not love. Love isn’t a routine.
I thought I had finally master the art of love after college. I think I’ve got this down. I know how to be patient. I know how to listen. I know what good gifts are. I know when to nudge. I know when to visit. I know when to speak. I know how often to spend time with them. I know what their likes and dislikes are. I know what makes them happy...and very mad. I know it at all. This is love. I cared so much about this person. I knew everything about them. I was always communicating with them, even if it meant just breathing through the phone. Whatever it took, I was going to do it right. But it started to feel weird. Was love being annoyed by your partner? Was love being forced to stay on the phone? Was love about checking up on eachother? This wasn’t love. This was pain, with a lot of aching.
Love is so simple. It can happen in two weeks (Dear John) or hit you years later (the notebook), but you know your heart the best (Fated to love you). For some of us, it’s secretly waiting for that other person to become available. Others, go for it regardless of the situation. If it works, life is great. If it doesn’t, life is still great. I really think it’s something you feel it in your gut, “omgosh...I think I’m love...this can’t be right...” Love fits like a glove.
BTW, this note was titled after the Kdrama I've been watching. Lyrics are just sad! I made my own fan video up there if you haven't pressed play yet :D Like my FBPAGE if you haven't. Thank you for reading.
Life Goes On
HAPPY LOVE MONTH :D!
It’s been over two weeks since I’ve wrote an entry. Thanks for reading because I don't really share this kind of entry on my Facebook; I usually post ones worth reading or relevant others. Posts like this one is more for the future me to come across later. This past weekend, I drove down to UW-Milwaukee’s Hmong New Year First University Pageant on Saturday, then drove back to stay at my sister’s for the night and Sunday. It snowed all day Sunday, but I still went on a secret mission. I was worried about my drive on Monday morning to my orthodontic appointment, but the roads were clear by 9am. The bottom of my braces are off, but I have to wear my retainers as often as possible, especially for the top because one tooth is shifting back. I was done with the exam by 12 and finally got home after a three hour drive.
I’ve been really busy just working on everything on my mind. I’ve been really busy, but one thing has been on my mind throughout all these amazing things I’ve been working on. Unfortunately, not you. I’ve been thinking about how different my life would be if a lot of things actually worked out. Like my past partner. Or that person. Or that thing. Or that job.
…
A lot of things didn’t happen. A lot of things that I kind of (and really, really, really) wanted to happen, didn’t happen. But like what always tell myself, life goes on. If they all had actually happened, none of these would’ve happened:
- this blog
- my youtube channel
- learning the guitar
- lots of sleep
- lots of free time
- lots of traveling
- This list is only the tip of the iceberg
I’m strong, because I’ve been weak. I’m brave, because I’ve been afraid. I’m wise, because I’ve been foolish.
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