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BTW: Dear Love

BTW (Behind the writing, kind of like behind-the-scene)

This was a big and scary step to share my blog to the fb groups I’m in. I received very different responses than what I intended, but they were great. I learned that I can’t assume people will know where I’m coming from, yes, no-brainer. But sometimes we do that where we don’t give all the info out and that can lead to misunderstanding and misconception of what I intended.

The letter started with fear, which is something most people have when it comes to a relationship. They’re scared, what if things go wrong? But what if things go right? :P. We often leave a relationship a little broken, yes, I’ve lied a few times that I was strong, but there were nights I felt the sharp pain of a thousand needles in my heart (some drama for you :P), whether I was the good or bad person. 

It appeared that the letter was a young, needy girl, which is half true. This piece was inspired by a relationship I was in during college and relationships in general. I felt like I asked for a lot, and I often think this way when I ponder about my relationship status. But I’ve come to realize that I really don’t, and people in general don’t. I only took the ‘expectation’ approach because I felt that was how others viewed me, so I decided to write the letter in that view. When in reality, none of my expectations were really ‘expectations’. Had I mentioned that the writer expect the man to provide her materialistic things, and do things he wouldn’t do, then I would consider those expectations. The things I mentioned were ‘expectations’ people should already be doing, especially if they are in a relationship with someone they care for.
  • When you’re a girl, it’s nice when a guy pays for dinner and picks you up, like the old ways, ya know? My close circle know that I am a pretty independent person (and that I am a crazy drive :P, which seems to be an ongoing them *oh gosh)
  • Warming hands just means that it’s important to share a physical connection. don’t get dirty now
  • Come on, who else hates driving? :P 
  • Running to the store was inspired by the beautiful relationships around me of couples who do those big and small acts of kindness. Pregnant women often have cravings and their partners would surprise them with sweets or whatever the crave was I've read these kinds of posts in my facebook newsfeed.
  • People shouldn’t cheat because they really cheat themselves
  • Respect is universal and goes both ways
  • We should be in relationships and aim to keep each other happy. Who wants to wake up everyday grumpy? And if you do, is that ok? If it’s not, fix it. If it is, then enjoy that feeling.
  • A relationship will have ups and down, and both people need to work on it. And I wasn’t the best candidate, but there is always room for growth.
  • I see that women often do the dishes/housework voluntarily and men often do not, which is something passed down and imposed, so I added the p.s. I believe both parties are responsible and should share the duties of a home, unless one really wants to do it or is picky about how things are done.
It may sound like a to-do list, but I just wanted to put a creative twist to it by turning it into a story within a letter. I thought I showed praise toward the man in parts of the letter, such as “look as good as you.” I didn’t make it clear that the woman will do the same because I believe that you are what you speak and do, not everyone is like that, of course. 

I could’ve took on a universal route and leave out the evidence that it was from a woman’s perspective to avoid gender preferences because Love and Lover can be anyone. However, I wanted to identify the writer as a woman to build a story and because I believe that they do not expect much from a relationship, but are seen that way. They want someone just as committed as them, but are seen that they always expect. Yes, not all women or men are like this. I missed other parts to the letter such as communication, compromise, cooperation, and many more. 

I’d love to hear what other parts you think is important in a relationship, or what you’ve done in your relationship to work, or not work. As always, thank you for reading the original letter and your reactions.

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4 comments:

  1. i wrote you a whole paragraph but it got deleted. lol guess ill keep it short. it takes lots of courage to post up anything personal about one self. misunderstandings will always happen, that's why its a good to have a open discussions about the subject and maybe learn something new. in your blog you didn't ask for much, pretty much the bare minimum. its all the things you don't have to ask for, they should already know. i think we pretty much see eye to eye when it comes to love and relationships.

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  2. I know that feeling of losing everything you just typed. That's why I use googledocs to write, autosave prevents me from losing anything. I'm glad you were able to connect and understand the post. Thanks for reading and being the first one EVER to respond.

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  3. Ummmm, actually I was technically the first to ever respond to one of your blogs, It just wasn't on here ;p... And I don't think that you sounded needy or materialistic at all. I thought this letter was very endearing. Aside from the "pay for a few dates" part, I feel like you described a series of special little moments that are a part of any relationship in which two people are in love. I loved reading about the little moments you described in which a person seeks to find unique ways to make his or her significant other happy by doing things tailored to them.

    And I commend you for putting this out there. I'm just thinking about one of your other blogs where you describe getting your heart ripped out. I know what that's like. I used to hand out pieces of my heart like gum. And I've gotten chewed up and spit out too many times. Because I gave out my heart to freely. Because, like you, I'm good to people because of who I am, not because I think someone may or may not deserve it.

    I think what you were trying to say is: Pick me up when I'm down (get me ice cream, warm my hands), Compromise for us (dress up for Halloween with me, do the dishes sometimes), Show me that you love and know me (get me Twix, buy me one rose), lets be partners in crime (take photos with me to document crazy times), and most importantly- Love me totally no matter what ( working through fights) and let me trust you (don't cheat on me).

    Anyway, I've probably said too much here. But I thought I'd let you know that I thought this was courageous... And I got it. No need for explanations.

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    Replies
    1. Thank JV. You wrote a really good summary of it.

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