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Because I know exactly how it feels to have nothing

Yes, another entry about mi mama.

I've learned that it's not about waiting until you can give, it's about giving with what you have. I can't express how much I want to give to my mom, no matter what my status is in life. I refuse to practice my cultural ways that one is not encouraged to give back to the people that gave them life. It doesn't matter what I do or don't have in life to give because I really grew up with nothing. I won't forget about my family when the struggle is over.

Growing up, I was always envious of my cousins who always received gem necklaces from their father for Christmas. I never played with barbies and that's ok. In fact, it worked out great because it made me the independent and fearless person I am today. I am not stereotyping, but I think I would've went that direction more. I always remind my nieces about how spoiled they are with clothes because I really, literally, had 2 pairs of jeans in the 4th grade (true story, yo, and no need to pity. But Xai cried when I told her tho). For Christmas, we had those boxed packaged Little Debbie snacks. In high school, I had to work while I played sports, because all of my mother's income was for the family. Yea, Salvation Army and other resources existed in the 90's, but my parents didn't know and many of us were still young. In fact, all of this just inspired my non-profit organization in the near future, tba.

It just makes me really disgusted how some people have gone through all these struggles of poverty and they don't turn a cheek at all when they're out of it. Sure the people receiving are not worthy, whatever your reason may be. But I've come to realize that it was just my way of justifying my own actions; my lack of giving. It was so much easier to blame the other person or deem them unworthy. The truth was, I was selfish. I didn't want to give. I mean, there are understandable times and other reasons to not give, but when you can give, you should. Obviously, don't swim the seven seas to help someone. Sure you can make a lot of money, but what value is it if you're heartless. I don't want to be this way anymore because I know exactly how it feels to have nothing. So give because it shows who you are.

The world just needs love. My mother just needs love and money :D. I am so excited to give her what she's been waiting for! In the voice of Bob from The Price is Right, "A triiiiiip to Thailand!" (in the next 6 months). In fact, she's never been back there ever since we came to the US in 1993. I've always wanted to do this for her. Ok, I promise I won't cry. My mom is the most amazing, independent, and hard working person ever. She has taught me that nothing is impossible to achieve. She keeps going at what she does and gives everything she has. I can never ask for a more amazing mother. I am so fortunate for my mother and everything she does for me and the rest of the family. If there's anything she can do to make things better, she would. I don't know anyone who's more giving than she is. My mom has always made her children her priority and there is nothing in the world that can ever repay that decision she makes everyday.

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MyJosh

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises

How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

I don't even know where to begin about MyJosh (Mai Josh :P). From now until 7:30am is not enough time to write about this great person. Maybe I'm just speaking (writing, actually) too early about anything I write here, so be it. It's crazy that just 3 months ago, I said goodbye to love; I was seriously done and gone! Then I ran into Josh and it all changed.

Lets start with the photo above. Josh and I have been talking for a while. Yesterday we celebrated our 1 month, which was also Hmong American Day. We went to my baby brother's (he's actually 12) orchestra concert at the middle school. Then headed to the Wausau Table Tennis Club to see who's the better one at it. For the sake of Josh's ping pong reputation, I won't reveal who won or lost all the games. Then we went to eat dinner at 2510, which he reserved the whole restaurant to us (obviously, it was a coincidence. We have the luckiest luck :D!). Food was ok; I'm no chef to judge.

The most slickest move (EVER in my lifetime) was the photo above. People that know me know that I can catch onto a surprise in the works. We were together all day, so I didn't see this coming at all. There were some hints when we ate, but I didn't catch on.

Josh: So, are you old fashion, where you do the anniversary stuff? Like write cards and stuff.
Me: Yes. It was easier in the first relationships. And it takes both to keep at it, which wasn't my case most of the time.

After that, 1000 Years came on too, which is like the sweetest song ever. Anyway, I got home and didn't even think to look under my pillow, who does anyway?! Plus, I'm a chicken and that's asking for trouble. Josh texted me this morning to look under my pillow. My first reaction was, "Is this some sick joke?" Then I saw the card. I was mind blown! I opened the card and just teared up as I read his handwritten message with a few grammar errors :D. It was really sweet and touched my heart. For me, this is the best gesture ever. I'm not impressed by flowers, seriously, they are a waste of money. This showed me that he took time to look for a card and write something meaningful, which I don't even know how he had the time to find a card because we are together all the time. Unless he's smart and has a stash ready to go at all times.  Anyway, I'm a sucker for these little actions of care love.

I'm not sure what I did to attract him. If anything, I actually did everything to not attract. I dress like a grandma on purpose. I talk/post about (in most peoples' eyes) boring stuff, while many girls are "LOTD/OOTD" or "Party later" or "Just went shopping" or "Can't wait to try this new lipstick" or some emo stuff. My only game is the do not attract game. Oh wait, it's actually, "I bet you I'll beat you" is my game.

Josh is really sweet. When I first met him, I felt my eyes light up every time I saw him. He'll get my sweatpants in the car if where we're eating is cold. He'll carry my jacket to wear later. He opens doors for me. He works with my schedule, like all the time. He drives, even if I do or don't ask him. He's not a drinker or feel the need to attend every party. There is so much more, but a magician shouldn't reveal all its secrets :P. What I like the most about Josh is his management. I'm very happy that he's very committed to his family and volleyball. I like that he's a social person, because I don't have to do the work when we see strangers/other people. He's very laid back. I love his energy and positivity. He doesn't freak out or lash at me when something goes wrong, whether I had control of it or not. He was the first person to ever change my tires for me, there's a lot of firsts with Josh. And oh gosh, his patience is out the window! I'm a pretty patient person, but Josh is like LEVEL ASIAN patient. I made him wait an hour for me, on accident of course. Maybe this is just the early stages like many relationships, but right now, this moment, I have this. I have never met someone this awesome, and I've never said this about anyone either, but I am very lucky to have MyJosh. Thank you for the butterflies and the laughs.

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