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Relationships, call it Magic



(It’s Friday and on Fridays, I work at the IT lab to help with administrative duties. Also on Fridays, everyone leaves campus early, get where I’m going here? That means I have time to write. I’m debating if I should ask to leave work early and head out to Mad and MKE for the weekend. For now, I’ll continue a post I started.)

The reason why I decided to share parts of my life on the web is because I’m not in a relationship.

You see, when I was in one, my partner got all of this, stop thinking dirty. All of this is not physical, it’s the stories, the cheesiness, the random, the ugly, the good, the bad, everything in any partner. My partner was always my priority, and that was sadly kinda the mistake too, but that was the decision I made. I never shared stories/my daily stuff with just anyone and always saved it for them...because I’m cheesy to want them to be the only one who knows, ya know, thee-only-one kind of deal. In general, my life was very limited to my family, close friends, and partner.

Since I’m not in a relationship, I don’t have anyone to share my thoughts and ideas with anymore. Don’t suggest me to get in one either. Not being in one has shown me that it’s ok to share my thoughts with the world and not just limit myself to my partner. Sometimes I do feel and wonder, who is even reading? And most importantly, who even cares? Then the more important question, do I NEED THAT to function? LOL! I’ll leave that a mystery to all of us, including me self.

It used to be that a relationship was doable if the other person was willing to tango with me and vice versa. However, as I got older, it got more different, like a little more expectations and I didn’t want to tango on my end. It kind of matters after a while as you age.

At 16, I didn’t care if my partner was going to continue higher ed or not, who am I kidding? I didn’t know nothing myself; the blind leading the blind. As long as I finished high school, I didn’t even think about college. At 18, a job for financial income started to matter because I wanted to explore the world and love wasn’t going to provide fuel for that. Don’t mistaken a person that needs you to have a job to provide for them. A job for yourself just means pulling your own weight...so I encourage you to get a job if you don’t have one. If you have one, continue to climb the ladder to your ultimate position. By the time I was 20, I did so much and it mattered what my partner was kind of passionate about... feel strongly about... or have a bigger purpose for, ya know, dream. The problem with 20s something is that they act like they’re in retirement by that time, as if they’ve done enough. What exactly have you accomplished that you want to bum all day? Where have you gone? Do you like your situation?... It’s different for everyone, but that was my problem. I could never settle...I wasn’t ‘bored’ of a relationship, but I just felt like I stop growing when I got in one. At 22, it was important for me to make sure I find someone that was kinda the same like me, like going the same direction, motivation, having a positive view (like, IDGAF if you have to lie to me that you’re having a great time at a boring event; fake it til you make it. That’s for a different blog--venting about people who demands but don’t cooperate. GFY). Yes, I get that somedays you are going to call in sick on life, but I can’t be around people who call in sick 5/7 days!! I think my mom only calls in sick on life about 1/year...so you really need to get check if you’re calling in that often. :P Like that analogy? 

Now, even i’m confuse with the idea of being with another person. I hate reporting where I am at all times, even my mom doesn’t know! I hate feeling like I can’t have a conversation with the opposite gender, I’m not flirting or interested, I’m doing research. I hate dealing and running with another schedule, like dude, just go get your stuff done, then let me know when you’re free. And let me get my stuff done, and I’ll let you know when I’m free. I hate being on the phone for 3 hours, because we could seriously be doing something more productive. I just hate it all. Haters gonna hate :P 

But yes, I believe that that doesn't happen when you’re with the ‘right’ person, because that kind of relationship is literally, MAGIC. You both magically have time for each other. You both magically want to be at the same place. You both magically wake up with a smile on. You both magically laugh at the small things. You both magically enjoy each other. Before you start thinking that I’m going fantasy world here, I was really trying to say that people chose to make things work because each other matters.

I haven’t gave up on having a relationship yet, but those were my experiences. I can’t just blame the other person. I was just as guilty, I should’ve just never got in one in the first place. Why do you think I’m in this situation? And yes, I do and don’t like it, but I’m not going to drag anyone in the process of making that decision.

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2 comments:

  1. No worries, I'm reading your blogs and enjoying them. Lol sometimes I feel like dang, I'm like the only one posting hope she don't think I'm weird or something. Lol I think you're very inspiring, at least you inspire me. :) I need to meet more people like you seriously. ;) Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in this small town wasting my life away where everyone around you seem to be content with a life that I feel has no meaning... it's funny but the more I read the more I feel like you understand me. Lol you're insightful, I can tell you think a lot about love and life in general. I'm a very closed person myself and thought about opening up like you too. That's the only way you can changed the world and you can't do that by keeping all your thoughts to yourself. Yes, i agree a relationship will slow your growth a lot. If you think of it from a mathematical standpoint you probably spend more then half of your time thinking or doing stuff with your partner, and that doesn't include your family and friends. Doesn't leave you a lot time to work on the things you're interested in. sometimes I think staying single is the way I can stay productive... you might agree with me on that? Maybe we are just built differently, some people just lose focus because we are too focused on the one we love? That's probably something I got to work on. I don't know why I'm sharing this with you but being someone who thinks highly of love, sometimes I imagine meeting the one and just walking away. I'm just happy that I have meet her, it's the meeting that will change me for good and will push me to accomplish my goals because maybe there is something
    more important then love??? You have a very good work ethics, you been putting out a lot of good material. Me, I rely a lot on other people to inspire me. Lol seriously keep it up and inspire us. :)

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  2. I enjoy reading your blogs :) I would have posted more responses, but I haven't been able to access my gmail account until yesterday. (Seriously. I'm that much of a space cadet. I finally was able to get in after like a hundred tries this past month. I've got quite the backlog). I posted something yesterday on your follow up blog to your "love letter." Don't know if you got it. Anyway keep writing. People are reading. It's nice to read some truth on the internet once in a while..

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